Taylor Swift's Illicit Affairs - My Personal Touch Point

 

Sometimes I struggle to see myself in Taylor Swift’s lyrics, something that I need to connect and love a song or artist and it's because my experience in the world has been so very different for a lot of reasons. 

Though ‘Reputation’ was my first “I really love this” album, Swift's ‘Folklore’ has become one of my favorite albums because so much of it is about life and shared experiences and feelings. I didn’t have to live Taylor’s life during lockdown to feel the emotions from a lot of our shared worldwide circumstances as well as her desire to tell stories that weren’t 100% autobiographical anymore. I can see how that approach has made her such a strong artistic talent. I hope to see more of her Folklore Era in new music because she really did something there that was beautifully unique within her legacy of music. 

‘Illicit Affairs’, which I first heard in its entirety on the Eras Tour movie, touched me in a way that I wasn’t prepared to deal with, not because I was ever involved in an affair but because several of the people I was involved with treated me like a dirty secret and I didn’t know how to stop it at the time. When you consider the lyrics like: 

 

“Leave the perfume on the shelf / that you picked out just for him / so you leave no trace behind / like you don’t even exist” 

for me, that was about not being seen or sensed when it came to the people in the other person’s life, because they didn’t want to deal with the judgment or shame for being associated with someone like me. Don’t be seen, just be used and be silent.

Another lyric that grounded this for me is:

 

“Look at this idiotic fool you made me / You taught me a secret language I can’t speak with anyone else” 

because when you are someone’s dirty little secret you are the person being hurt by the circumstances, not someone that is being cheated on. I felt so dumb for being involved with this person but I was so alone and brainwashed into thinking I wasn’t worthwhile unless a man liked or wanted me.

And finally the destructive force of the line: 

“For you I would ruin myself … a million little times” 

and I did. There are at least three different times where I was the hidden girl, manipulated into doing things I didn’t want to do so they wouldn’t leave me. 

I hope that by sharing this I cannot only connect with others about Swift’s lyrical accomplishments with the Folklore album but to tell people that if you are feeling these things about someone, with someone, then walk away when it's safe to do so. “Mother” wants us to be okay with ourselves and you deserve better than being someone’s dirty little secret. 

Reference for Lyrics:

Taylor Swift - illicit affairs Lyrics | AZLyrics.com